This is what I need to write on gumtree just to try and sell an old table of mine:
Beautiful black glass top coffee table. 1200 amazing milimetres of long, 600 proud mm of width. 440 mm heigh because it this table demands it be so.
NOW HEAR ITS STORY AND TREMBLE.
This modern contemporary classic bohemian glass top table sits aloft 2 strong metal legs like Hannibal astride an elephant.
Is the table the ancient warrior Hannibal himself??? Reincarnated in your living room? You decide. But of course it damn well is.
You know it.
Let this black beauty ride your decore to glory as you bath in it’s beauty from your couch like Caesar supping on wine and chewing grapes from your family slaves.
So many slaves. You are amazing.
Your empire is vast. Now admire your glorious reflection in this table’s shimmering obsidean facade!
YOU DESERVE THIS TABLE YOU GOD AMONGST MEN.
But beware – this table may cross the Alps when you least expect it and crush your empire
See the table on gumtree in all it’s glory here – Black glass table for sale