A friend at a Catholic charity told me a box of T-shirts left in a hallway was causing anger in the office as it was a safety hazard. Emails had been sent. It had been brought up in meetings.
No one had simply moved the box. After 3 weeks it’s still there.
So I sent them this letter.
To whom it may concern,
I’m angry and I need to tell someone. I recently overhead rumours of a rogue t-shirt box stalking the halls of (organisation withheld) threatening to bump or even trip up good hardworking Catholics. I can only assume this box is on drugs.
Most likely is one I overheard some teenagers mentioned is some sort of ‘chilled pill’. This is probably in some way related to Ice. From my limited knowledge of box related drugs I can only assume it has now developed large fangs, the ability to survive sub-zero temperatures and a desire for human blood.
In my anger the first thing I did was write to Today Tonight about the issue. Do you know the new host? She is delightful. Thought I was distraught that they have been dodging the growing box epidemic sweeping charities across Australia.
Then I asked myself, what would Jesus do? Obviously he never saw a cardboard box in his BC times but I assume if he now saw one he might guess at its function and nature. He probably would have said
“My that certainly is a box, though I am unfamiliar with this ‘card-board’ material used to construct it. Truly a marvel of this modern strange world I’ve reappeared in! Though it’s location in this hallway is incredibly dangerous now that I think about it. I better go write a letter.”
It led me to the conclusion that there are only two sensible courses of action for removing the dangers of said drug-addicted (and probably rapey) box.
1. Organise a mass petition online supported by an awareness campaign. Perhaps featuring people making a box shape in front of their face like Madonna in Vogue to show their outrage. Sending this to others over Bookface and other things that live inside my computer. Perhaps “Giving boxes the boxing they deserve” would be a powerful headline for you
2. A series of long, sleep inducing awareness workshops. Hopefully run by a failed actor turned ‘motivational coach’. He would inform people through the magic of charades and group exerccies of the box, it’s location, the possibility of tripping and how to recognise other potential boxes if they are to threaten you.
I warn you I am prepare to think about, talk about and complain about the box as long as it takes until a solution is found.