Seriously what did the Anzacs fight for?

I don’t know what the Anzacs fought for.

Look around you. Sometimes I get the feeling that many of us are taking our way of life for granted.

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This Anzac Day, I slept in 3 times through my alarm and missed dawn service. The alarm wasn’t set for dawn service. It was to make coffee with friends hours later. And I couldn’t even do be bothered to make that.

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There’s no doubt in my mind this is the most important day in our national calendar. I also have 100% convinced I’ll do very little about it. I’m part of a spoiled, ungrateful generation. But at least I’m realising it. Step 1 to recovery.

What am I asking for? Military service. Not for ‘young people‘ and not for those who’ve stolen a car and ‘need to shape up‘. I’m asking for it for me, save me from myself. Save those people sitting in cafes complaining about cancelled concert tickets, bad coffees or how hard bootcamp was yesterday. Save the women who ‘can’t believe what Jen said to them last night‘. Save the men are matching their scarves to their satchels. What have we become?

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Our priorities are entirely wrong and Simpson would make his donkey kick us if he was still around, and well he should. But we need help to get right. We won’t do it by choice.I’ll never stand up to fight for my country unless it’s after 11am and they change their haircut policy.

That’s why am pleading with Australian’s to make me and all those all tight pants people out there complaining about ‘how taking public transport is so hard in Sydney’ , do something to serve. In the army, in a hospital or as a scarecrow in a community garden.

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We won’t choose it ourselves, so make us appreciate all those who served, and continue to serve their country. Make us experience the gunships, the hardship and the mateship all those great Australian’s fought through, and fought for. If you don’t we’ll never appreciate The Anzacs.

Unless a underground band takes the same name.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

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Australia’s First Gay Marriage Sitcom

Tony Abbott goes on a bender after winning a triathalon. He wakes up the next afternoon really hungover.

(Uh-oh!)

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He slept through Parliament’s vote on gay marriage. It passed one by one.

(Here’s trouble!)

And there’s a dude in his bed.

(Uh-oh again!)

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And he’s a boat person.

(Double uh-oh!)

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And they’re married.

(Watch out Tony!)

Now his husband always calls him at work.

(Mild hilarity)

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And when he’s with his mates.

(That’s so annoying!)

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He calls him all the bloody time.

(We can all relate to that)

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And is suspicious Tony is cheating.

(That’s ridiculous!)

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He makes Tony sleep in the spare room.

(Trouble in Paradise!)

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And fights with him over the silliest things!

(Canned laughter)

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Sometimes Tony makes selfish choices

(No don’t do that!)

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And wonders if he should give up on the marriage

(It’s Ross and Rachel all over again!)

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But at the end of every episode they always make up.

(Canned awww!)

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It’s called

What’s All That Abbott?

Tony Abbott wears a rainbow hair net as part of an organ donation campaign.

New Facebook rules for new parents

You’ve just had a baby and after 8 years you’ve just realised that Facebook is a way to show it off. Unfortunately due to new rules around what is in the public interest (i.e. interesting) you can’t do whatever you like.

From it’s birth, here’s what you’re allowed to post on Facebook:

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This human being pushed another human being out of its being – that’s god damn interesting. Well done. Even well done to the third human being for hanging around for so long at the hospital and not going for a beer even once.

STATUS: Oh my holy lord Jesus Christ and Buddha. Facebook joy.

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You’ve posted a photo of this new human being in the world. I’ve never met them, they could be interesting. It’s a good post. Particularly because they’re sleeping a little like a dog there. Very Facebook worthy.

STATUS: I’m delighted with this bundle of joy on my wall.

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Ok this baby is expressing new stuff, never seen that from them. If it’s the same baby as before it’s now turned African American. Overall still kind of interesting.

STATUS: Go on, post that baby stuff.

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Your baby is now mixing it up on my wall. It’s referencing the evil hamster meme or ‘What you talking about Willis‘. I get the reference. Cool.

STATUS: Starting to jump the Shark, but still good ol’ baby.

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Um, you’re just showing me a photo of your baby eating. What? I seriously do that every day. Not impressed. I’m sharing this photo with people but I’ve added WTF.

STATUS: Because of previous entries, you get a pass.

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What you’ve already posted that!! You think I don’t remember?? You can’t pull out babies classic posts from a 2 weeks ago and think I won’t notice. Shame!

STATUS: Have a new baby already. Not Facebook worthy.

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No. You can’t stick that baby I once shared on Facebook in a contrived scene. It makes me look bad. More importantly how much do you really care for this baby???

FACEBOOK: No one puts baby in a tub. I’m calling Facebook.

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I’m not even the bored one anymore. You’re baby doesn’t care for you either. You’re not trying, you’re just saying ‘look! I still have a baby!’ Other parents used to think you were competition for attention, but you’re no threat anymore.

STATUS: You’ve lost all Facebook, internet and real world cred.

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Now you hired a photographer to show how boring you are?? This child needs real love, and I need real entertainment. Please get a more loving, less Facebook focused set of parents to adopt this poor child.

STATUS: I called Facebook. They’re calling a hitman.

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Are you noticing people defriend you?! This child will be given a new life and a new name so people don’t recall how boring and self-absorbed their old parents were.

STATUS: Facebook hitman dispatched. Good luck with your new family baby.

When Tabloids Take Advantage…

 

The British tabloid the Sun said of this photo of the horrific Boston bombing:

“This chilling image shows a mystery figure lurking on a rooftop – as a bomb blast rips through the Boston Marathon finishing line below. The person does not seem to react as the ground-floor of the building erupts into flames following the second explosion. It was not immediately clear whether the figure on the roof had anything to do with the terror attack. But some claim it raises the unnerving possibility that a perpetrator watched on as the street-level carnage was unleashed.”

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This is both fear mongering, and bad journalism.

Almost every word written is plain wrong:

“a mystery figure” – You mean mysterious.

“lurking on a rooftop” – Or walking. Definitely looks like they’re walking.

“This person does not seem to react…” – The bomb is exploding at the exact millisecond of the shot so no-one has done more than turn their heads. The figure is also too far away for us to tell if they are in fact reacting. Finally the explosion also appears to be out the figure’s sight line.

“It was not immediately clear” – You just changed tense. I think you mean it “it is not clear”. It also wasn’t clear then, and probably won’t be clear for quite a while.

“whether the figure on the roof had anything to do with the terror attack.” – The mystery figure. Or mysterious. Whatever Sun.

“Some claim…” – Anyone in particular?

“It raises the unnerving possibility” – It might, possibly, could be something, but it might not.

“that perpetrator watched on as the street-level carnage was unleashed.” Whether they watched is probably the least unnerving part of the whole horrible tragedy. Again this figure probably didn’t because it’s out of their sight line.

Shame on you Sun.

My thoughts remain with the everyone caught up in this horrible tragedy. May they all heal with the help of thoughtful words and kindness from others.