Something You Never Thought Anyone Would Fight Over

This weekend’s battle will decide who commands….the Anzac Bridge of Glebe!

bridgeIt is the strategically important bridge that joins bogans to yuppies. Ensuring plumbers can reach CBD broken toilets, and inner city dwellers can mock suburbanites from a safe distance. But never in pur history has a fight reigned upon this city’s 4th most prestigious overpass. With it comes the spoils:

The Bronze digger statue at the Western end.

That funny advertising sign on the smoke stacks behind it.

And the empty old carpark beneath, you know where boats used to deliver cars.

While two teams do battle upon its mighty cables, don’t be surprised if West Tigers storm the unguarded Gladesville Bridge. With the help of Bon Jovi.

Tigers

Vote For Your Pope

Change the Church

After 1000 years of old white guys, choosing the head old white guy, in the big white hat isn’t it time we all had a say?

This week you will choose the People’s Pope. Enter the Conclave now.

 

Find out more right now.

 

Learn To Take A Joke

Words can hurt.

But sometimes they merely give you a little itch.

So get over it.

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler mocked Taylor Swift at the Golden Globes for some of her relationships and relationship dramas. Why? It was their job to mock the biggest celebrities in the room.

fey

How has Taylor reacted? Well to go on television to say she’s been ” portrayed as some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend” and their jokes was taking her life and “turning it and twisting it into something that is frankly a little sexist”.

Oh and then she damned them to hell.

taylor

Taylor Swift, learn to take a joke.

Why is it important?

1. Comedians are untouchable!

You cannot “hit back at comedians”. They’re not making a valid point or a criticism. They are mocking you. Your reaction only proves that you’re a point of ridicule.

2. Hell!? That’s overly dramatic

If “there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women” as you claim then there’s surely a equally well decorated room under the earth for those damn others to hell for simply trying to make people laugh.

There's a place for Taylor too

3. Come on…

If you’re dating anyone from a band that rolls up their jeans, sings in harmony and looks 12 years old then you are fair game.

harry

4.  There’s a better way

When other actors have shown they have a funny bone – when Ricky Gervais mocked Johnny Depp in previous Golden Globes, Johnny Depp responded by going on Ricky’s Gervais’ show and joins in the fun – then you appear even more uptight than you are.

depp

5. You have a choice

You want to avoid being mocked? Go and become a singing teacher instead.

You want to make 100’s of millions of dollars from your trade? Learn to put with the spotlight.

How To Say Goodbye. Seriously.

It’s hard to say goodbye.

Sometimes it’s because you don’t want to.

Usually it’s because the other person is a jerk.

Engaging in phone calls in the modern era involves negotiating the end of conversations.  Sometimes with those you know well, you both understand the moment a conversation is done. Or perhaps like an old friend of mine you have an understanding with your parents – ‘we don’t say goodbye, we just hang up’. Lucky bastard. Short of saying ‘shut up‘ or ‘I’m hanging up now‘ we need to learn to live with those who make saying goodbye painful, awkward or simply very very long.

Culprit: The Clueless Big Talker phone0

When you try to end the conversation subtly they simply don’t pick up on your cues. No amount of “ok then” or “It’s been great talking to you” or “Let’s talk soon yeah?” will let them know that this conversation should die. They’ll continue to give it CPR – constant prattering rubbish – until you want to throttle them.

The Solution: Fake bad reception.

You’re going to have to do the fake-bad-reception bit “Hey….sorry I’m getting….bad ….here. I think….reception…pineapple….talk later ok….gruffle….bye!” Then simply hang up.

Culprit: The Last-Worders 

Goodbye means something different to these people. For most of us it means the conversation is done. For them it means it’s time for the final massive Shakespearean third act. This involves throwing together hopes for another conversation, lamenting the end of this conversation, things you must do when you both have another conversation and even well wishes they want you take to other people for future conversations. Never engage these people while standing up because your legs may fall off.

The Solution: Kill the drama.

They fear thoust may never speaketh again. Tell them ‘I have to go, I’ll call you back’ and they’ll back off the speeches. Of course unbeknownst to them you’ll call them back next week, or maybe next year.  

Culprit: The Awkward Guy 

These people will say goodbye, they simply don’t know how to do it cleanly. They’re just so happy to finally have someone talk to they usually fumble the hang up with 4 or 5 different farewells or one “um…bye..ok…see you…yep…bye bye”. Meanwhile you feel so bad ending the conversation, as it’s clearly the highlight of their week, that it takes you 30 seconds to remove the phone from your ear as you strain to keep up with their continuing farewells.

The Solution: Clean and Jerk.

You say “I’d better let you go” to make it look like it’s you that’s taking up their time and you hang up as quick as you can.

I hope that helped.

Goodbye.